so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize