Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize