Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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