i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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