The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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