And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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