I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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