All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize