I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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