I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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