If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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