and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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