She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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