This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She announced her abortion via fbk
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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