Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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