i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you traded sex for a burrito?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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