I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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