i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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