Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize