I faked an abortion last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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