so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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