my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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