i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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