I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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