We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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