we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize