When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize