i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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