Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize