I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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