I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize