he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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