If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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