I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize