We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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