He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize