fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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