There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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