So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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