Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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