Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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