I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize