Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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