just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize