Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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