She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize