you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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