I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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