someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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