there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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